I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
