Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
