1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
someone owes me an orgasm
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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