He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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