its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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