my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
