Just fell off a train. Bad.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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