Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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