yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And then he peed in my hair
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