Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
