Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
