I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
