I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
