This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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