I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
