Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize