you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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