I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My nipple is on Facebook.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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