you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I died a long time ago.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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