Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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