just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
