Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
