Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
