if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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