He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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