One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
