i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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