Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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