pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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