why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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