i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
