She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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