Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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