Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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