do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
