i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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