I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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