I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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