I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
