just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
