Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
