I hate your face
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
