The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
