so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need moral support for this bender
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think your dad took our porno
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
