We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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