I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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