Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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