I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
where are my eyebrows?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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