There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
