Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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