Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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