We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
