I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
