1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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