i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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