You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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