you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
