I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
