What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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