remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I want to be your penis for a week.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
